tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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