You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
