Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
