I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
