wakey wakey hands off snakey
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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