It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Randomize
