My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
