whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
sarcasm needs its own font
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
