My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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