woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
