Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
