Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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