Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
