I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Randomize
