thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
