i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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