Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
