Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
We left an ass print on the piano.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
