I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
