he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Randomize
