sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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