you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
