remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
