i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
