You don't have asthma, your pregnant
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize