just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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