You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
