I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
