Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
