you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
