Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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