everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
