I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
