Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
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