And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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