bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
