This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
