how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I think I sprained my soul last night
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
