it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
