Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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