And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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