I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
