i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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