Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
