I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
