My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
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