So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
false alarm, still single
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
