Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
