i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
