id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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