What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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