I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
