Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
