you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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