it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
