I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
