I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
