It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Sorry my hands just texted you
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
