There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
