I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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