I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
