I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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