Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
