yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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