why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
