At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
