Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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